Not eyePhone, or uPhone, but myPhone

Posted: 06.18.07

It was really hard not to write an editorial about the iPhone. We heard (from the San Jose Mercury News) that Hallmark is going to lobby the U.S. Congress to declare June 29 iDay. In terms of a marketing blitzkrieg, I think Steve Jobs can say Mission iComplished!

But I swore I wouldn’t join the cacophony of critics of all things iPhone and the imbecilic behavior of the line-waiters and their customers who just have to be the first on in their apartment building to have one. Imagine how many bars and restaurants they’ll have to go into calling friends and relatives so the phone can be seen in their hands, on the sides of their faces.

Homeless guy calling Dick Cheney

I don’t have to do that because Steve sent me one, no lines for me. And just to show what a grand guy I am, I gave it to a homeless person who immediately called Dick Cheney and demanded his resignation. No doubt about it, the iPhone (which I’m not going to talk about) is empowering.

No, instead of the iPhone I’m going to tell you about myPhone.

myPhone is a new online service I’m starting that gives you a no-cost new mobile phone. With it you’ll never have to remember anyone’s birthday, phone number, favorite color, rock band, or sports team. myPhone has only one button on it. You push it and instantly (or sooner) you’re connected to your own personal assistant. You simply tell the assistant what it is you want and the assistant gets it. If it’s your brother, bam! He’s on the phone before you can finish the request. A pizza? Better run, don’t walk, to the front door and let the Domino's guy in.

The assistant is actually an AI (not some pleasant lady in Bangladesh). But this is AI that’s run on a dozen GPUs, and is backed up by 3 trillion gigabytes of high-speed storage (which costs about $27 now).

Also, myPhone knows no arbitrary political borders. When you land in Korea you don’t have to rent a phone at the airport, because myPhone operates with all signaling systems and operators—all! The AI assistant handles that, doing on-the-fly transcoding, de- and re-modulating, and signal conditioning in a few pico-seconds.

But wait, there’s more—much, much more. Because myPhone has only one button, we’ve put it on the side of the case, leaving the entire rest of the surface available for a high-resolution full-color screen. But I must be honest, the first model of myPhone did receive a few complaints. A few—really very very few (stupid)—customers complained about the physical size of myPhone.

Model 100 is a little larger than other phones. Whereas the iPhone measures 61mm (2.4 inches) wide, 115mm (4.5 inches) tall, and a scant 11.6mm (0.46 inches) thick, the model 100 myPhone is 3 inches wide, 7 inches long, and ¼ inch thick. It was made that way so as to accommodate the 1920 x 1080p HDR OLED display. The model 200 will be smaller and only offer a 720-line display.

Holding the myPhone

Strange it seems, when myPhone came out there were no long lines, but that was because it was only sold online and each unit was delivered by a service technician from the PhreqSquard who set up myPhone to the user’s specifications.

So if you didn’t hire a line-waiter, and don’t know anyone at Apple, and would like to have a really cool phone, order a myPhone today. You can order yours by calling +1 415-435-9368; operators are standing by.

(This offer not valid in Northern New Jersey, South Chicago, and parts of Florida.) gray