On being shy

Posted: 07.17.13

We have really great technology, it’s A-mazing, unbelievable. What? You DON’T believe us? Prove it? Prove it! Are you nuts, if we did that then the competition would know how amazing it is and they might do something, like make a more amazing thing or something. We can’t tell you about it, but we can tell you it is freekin A-mazingly wonderful, insanely great.

No no, no, sorry, can’t reveal how big the die is, or how many transistors it has – but it’s got a lot, and they’re really really tiny, just 28nm across the gate – why that’s smaller than a virus y’know. No, I’m sorry, we can’t tell you how many shaders are in our amazing little device, but there are some really great ones in there. Maybe if you signed a developer’s NDA and gave us your first born we could reveal the number of amazing shaders in our insanely fantastic SoC., I’d have to check with legal first of course.

I can tell you that under certain very special conditions, that only we can create, it only consumes a pico watt of power for a nanosecond or so, that’s how amazing this chip is, a pico watt – who else can make that claim? That’s right, ah-huh, ah-huh –no one that’s who. I can also tell you, and only you, that under certain situations it can run at 2 GHz – that’s two-billion cycles a second—two-billion; can you believe it?

So when you look at the number of transistors we’ve managed to squeeze into the die, and run it at such low power and high clock frequencies I think you’d have to agree that we’re a pretty stupendous technology company that really knows our stuff, don’t you agree?

We have really great technology – trust me, no really.


No, I can’t tell you anymore. We don’t like to brag you know, we think the results will speak for themselves. How much? Well the price of our SoCs is not something we discuss. We have told a couple of our customers, we like to call them partners, you know, make it sound like a friendly family thing, like we’re all working together on this. And we have them sign a triple-double secret NDA that prevents them from revealing any of our specifications, prices, or delivery dates. We’re just a little shy about those things, I’m sure you understand why.

Why did we call this press conference? Well to tell you about our amazing new insanely great SoC. Why d’ya think, we have nothing better to do than feed you cakes and coffee? We want you to get the word out about our fantastic new chip. No, I can’t tell you when it will ship, but we’ll be sending out samples to our partners within the next few. Few what? Just few, that’s all we can disclose now.

Who are our partners? Well come on you know we can’t tell you that. Our partners, and I will tell you there’s a lot of them, a whole lot of them, you’d be amazed if you knew how many of them. Anyway we can’t disclose the partners because they don’t want us pre-announcing their products, and also they don’t like to reveal who their suppliers are, but they will tell you that they are using a 1.9 GHz ARM processor. (wink wink – we know of course it can actually run faster, but they’ll reveal that later when the time comes).

So, there you have it. What do you think? Pretty fantastic what we’ve accomplished wouldn’t you say?

Yes, I think I can get you a photo of the chip. Just make sure you respect our copyright, trademarks and be sure to capitalize all the letters in our company and product name. Oh, and if you wouldn’t mid would you include our hash, web site and phone number. After all, we want folks to be able to find us, don’t we? Not that we need to remind you because we have SO MANY partners. Phew, when I think about how many people we have taking care of all our partners. What? No, I’m sorry, I can’t tell you how many people we have, but we have a lot, that’s for sure. In fact, even I don’t know how many we have, that’s how many of them there are.

Well it’s been great seeing you, and I appreciate you giving us the opportunity to tell you a little about our new chip. Here, here’s a USB memory stuck –it’s got 8GB of RAM – can you imagine eight-billion bytes, boy what can be done with semiconductors these days is amazing.